Here’s the problem. My fiance is from Australia and I’m from Ohio, USA. I’ve been with my fiance in Australia for the last two years. The wedding is planned for next year. The planning is causing me considerable stress.
My hometown is not cost friendly, so a beach wedding would be cheaper for the Australians. So, I began looking at rental houses in my family’s vacation spot in NC.
My in laws are pushing for it to be closer to Australia so my fiance’s friends can attend, and so his aunt and uncle won’t pay 20k to fly business class to it as they refuse to fly coach.
My mom wants it near Ohio for my grandparents. One of my bridesmaids has pulled out if it’s on the east coast US due to money, and thought a cruise in a central location to be better, as it’s all inclusive. My MIL to be keeps stressing that one of my fiance’s friends cannot attend an overseas wedding (he has 4 groomsmen/friends that will). She seems to be so upset over the one person.
Help, what should I do?
We have already decided to have two big reception parties in Ohio and Australia for those who cannot attend. Four of my fiance’s friends are definite to go, only one that isn’t. The only way that one person could go is if it was here in Australia, but my parents cannot do that.
My MIL keeps stressing how awful it is to ask someone to shell out a couple thousand just to attend our wedding when they probably can barely afford to give us a wedding present if it was here in Australia. Obviously, we are not asking for wedding presents if it’s a destination wedding.
When I mentioned the cruise idea, to my bridesmaids (who are travel agents) they were excited to help get good deals. My MIL just told me that we couldn’t have a honeymoon if we do that, and will have to return immediately for our reception party in Australia. Bleh.
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Have you thought of having two receptions? One for his family and one for yours, a la Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale.
I really think that you and your fiance need to sit down and decide what the two of you want and leave everyone else out of it. He might be okay with the groomsmen/friends not being there if he knows that you are happy. Sit down and talk to him about it and don’t worry about the other people.
Seriously, I would elope. Have a big party in Australia for your husbands family and friends and a big party in Ohio for your family and friends when you get round to it. This is a day for you and your husband not a day for every man and his dog to put pressure on you about location because they don’t like to fly coach, or one particular person is unable to attend, etc
Sounds like you are about to embark on 2 weddings…one for his family and friends and one for yours. Make both weddings small…a beach wedding can be simple in Australia and perhaps a more traditional wedding in the U.S. It is important to include both families, but you shouldn’t have to be torn between locations. Where do you want your wedding? Where would you love to get married the most? Wherever that is, make that the first wedding and the second can be more of a celebration.
I think the easiest thing would be to have two small receptions, one in Australia and one in the states, this way everyone will be happy.
Have a small wedding wherever you wish, then have a reception for his family and another one for your family. That way most of the traveling will be done by you and your new husband! Seems to solve the majority of the problems.
Oh, Mel, my dear, such a terrible dilemma. Everyone wants to come to your wedding, and they are just torn across continents. Why, what a dreadful situation. In this situation, I would have two small weddings – one in Ohio and one in Australia. I would have them one weekend after the next. You sacrifice having the one huge wedding, but at least you can celebrate with all the family present (in two different locations, of course). And, perhaps the families can help you with your plane tickets since you are willing to do this sacrifice for them. You may not have all the bridesmaids and groomsmen and have this one huge glorious celebration, but you have a tradeoff. And you think of it as a wedding week rather than a wedding day. You might just have a glorious time. And, then both families can help you more with the hometown celebrations since they will be closer and they will appreciate your little sacrifice. As my daddy always says, “Life is about compromises.” That is just my little advice. But see what the other girls think too. Good luck.
I SO agree with PugMom.
Have a quiet family ceremony, or even a civil ceremony, and have two receptions.
When my parents married in 1950 (no I wasn’t born yet!) they had a reception in the city where they were living and my Mom’s family was at. The following weekend, they drove to the town where my Dad grew up and had a second reception there.
get married in ohio, the whole shebang then have a reception and vow renewal (inexpensive) in australia for their family maybe just have an outdoor ceremony (since you’re already legally married, anyone can marry you the second time) and then a big party in someone’s yard or a park there
since thre is a problem happening on both sides right???i would consider just flying to an island like fiji and get married there,, just you 2 alone….
Talk to your fiancee and see what he is willing to do and work it out between you two, this is your day and it shouldnt be planned around one or two people! I would suggest a wedding in both or atleast a wedding where you live and a reception where everyone else is, or you could just elope! Then you wont have to worry about what everyone else wants!
Someone is going to have to give in here, and it shouldn’t be you and the groom. Who is paying for the wedding? Your future MIL sounds like a bit of a controler.
You need to decide what you need, what you want, and what you can comprimise on and what is not negotiable. Write it down and live by that.
I think a central desitnation wedding sounds like a good comprimise. Not everyone will be happy. If the MIL is that concerned about this one person, she can help pay.
I also think that you should scale back. I don’t know if you have already asked people to be bridesmaids/groomsmen, but I would just have a MOH and BM, and leave it at that.
You may have to sacrifice a “honeymoon,” but you’ll be on a cruise anyway and there is always later.
The two reception idea is good- have an intimate destination/cruise wedding with just family and close friends – or elope – then the American reception, then home to Austrailia and the Austrailian reception. You can even renew your vows or show a video of the ceremony.
My husband is also from Australia.
My family lives in Florida, Michigan and Nevada
We live in California.
I paid for the wedding so we had it where I could plan it easily – California.
The only people from his family in Australia who attended where his mom and dad.
A handful of his family who happened to live in California came.
Most of my family flew in from around the different states.
What I’m saying is: make it easy on YOU. If his family wants a party close to them, let THEM pay for it and PLAN it.
We had an “engagement party” 6 months before the wedding, while we were there on a trip to Australia – it was a very sweet, informal bbq and all of his family and his parents friends were there. We had a cake, dancing, and made a nice toast to all the people there. That was fine.
This is a wedding, not the end of the world. Tell him to ask his mom to chill out.
so, ur parent couldn’t go if it’s in australia, and ONE of his friends couldn’t go if it’s in ohio. sounds like an ohio wedding is it! the friend could go to the reception in australia and do a toast as if he was the best man. have u explained to her that it would be horrible for u if ur parents couldn’t come? if she complains about going to ohio, she’ll complain about a cruise wedding too! explain to her and ur man that either way, people r gonna have to fly and pay for it! the two reception idea is cool, MIL needs to get over herself! U can have a small and affordable honeymoon w/o her $ anyway, can’t u?
This is gonna sound awful but I screw them all do what you guys want. they can celebrate with you at the receptions.Do what my sister did she when to Vegas and got married said this is the time this is the place if you wan to be there and can great if not we will see you when we get back. it worked for them and there was a lot less hard feeling than what she thought there would be b/c it was every ones choice to go or not.
Point out to your future inlaws that its traditional for the bride to get married in her hometown, where her parents are. Tell them you simple cannot get married without your parents, family and grandparents there.
I can’t understand your MIL placing more importance on a freind of your fiance, than on your grandparents. They are family and should come first.
If his aunt and uncle don’t want to fly coach, that’s their problem, NOT yours.
Start putting your foot down. You’re being emotionally manipulated. Don’t put up with it or it will never end.
Have your wedding where your parents or most of your family live. If someone doesn’t want to come, they can stay home and see you at an after wedding party later on.
You can’t please everyone, and its really not fair of your future MIL to put this much stress and pressure on you, but unfortunately not everyone plays fair. You are going to have to stand up to her and she will be upset, but that’s just tough for her. She’ll get over it. If she doesn’t, then she won’t have much part in your lives. Once she realizes that, she’ll come around.
Be firm, be polite, and most importantly, get your fiance to back you up (talk to him first, tell him how important this is to you and how much its tearing you apart. If he’s worth marrying, he’ll back you up).
As for the “not cost friendly” aspect of your hometown, get married at a church and have the reception at the church too if you can. Cut the guest list drastically, that will help.
If you are having a reception in Australia later on, then you do not need to invite all the family from down under to the wedding in the USA. Just his parents, siblings, and closest family members such as grandparents, if they can travel, and a very small number of close friends, (attendents, best freind – best man). Keeping the guest list smaller will reduce the expenses for everyone.
Remember, its your wedding and your fiances, not your future MIL’s. Talk to your fiance and tell him how you feel about all this, and how stressed its making you. Tell him what you REALLY want to do, which is what almost every girl wants – to have her wedding in her hometown, where her family is.
Like I said, if he’s worth marrying, he’ll support you.
Sounds like the ONLY option you have is a private ceremony… then have two receptions. One in australia and one in ohio. Because when your bi-contintental..and NEITHER family is willing to travel, you can’t have it one way and hurt one family member..a nd have it the other way and hurt the other family member.
I personally think the cruise idea is a great idea. you can have family and friends on there with you. Good luck.
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You would have to apply for a divorce decree from the Court system from where you were married.
Now if the US recognises your marriage, you would have to have a notarized copy of your marriage certificate and take it to your local Court.
You'd both have to be US citizens though.
RT In the past, travel agents were the go to source for booking travel arrangements. Today, m…
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Hi Margo and Peter,
Margo you are amazing, when do you get time to blog when you are so busy exploring? Sounds wonderful so far and Santiago is beautiful. I look forward to travelling with you on the blog, but perhaps you will get sick of it and by the end there will be one sentence once a week. The Business Class looks great – something to add to my bucket list! Maybe if we save up enough Frequent Flyers we can fly Business Class to ??? when we are about 80!
Vacation Rental Houses –
Enzo; That’s good. Rodney and David and others can after doing the same now rise again as the REAL Life Party. Sounds like a good deal. We all like good deals, don’t we?
I would Pay-It-Forward by selecting a family at Christmas time and buying gifts and food for them. With my ability to find good deals and couponing, $50 would go a long way.
I'm with Jay and Kevin on how you define the “east coast”. Not to nitpick, but Ontario is far from being on the east coast. Both Ontario and Quebec are Central Canada. Provinces east of Quebec are the east coast.
Aside from all that, best of luck on your T.O. trip. Makes me sad to think that your presence in the Stargate world is almost/possibly over.
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Hello 21love,
Before you even start looking for deals check out if there are any conventions on in LV.Hotel and motel prices go through the roof during conventions.
Weekends are always more expensive than weekdays.Ask at hotels directly as they often have even better flight and room deals than travel agents.This is because they subsidise the flights and rooms rather than have empty rooms.
Keith
7:30 is totally fine for the things you are wanting to serve. In fact, you could get away with only cake & punch if you wanted at that time of night. You don't have to print anything on the invites or reception cards about the menu, but it would be considerate to your guests.
The plastic plates & even forks are fine! Lots of brides use them who are even having more formal receptions than yours!
I would, however, have a bartender. Even if it is a trusted friend or relative. Having someone to regulate it even a little will keep you from having anyone get really falling down drunk. You can do a keg or bottles of beer & maybe white & red wine. That is probably all you need for this type of event.
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